Sunday, July 24, 2011

Blessings

It's been a while since I've kind of updated on where I am emotionally.  Mostly, I haven't said anything about it because I'm doing pretty good.  But another part of that is just because I've had a lack of knowing what to say.  It seems like, with situations like these, most of the time people are very concerned about you right afterwards, but then after awhile they just don't want to hear you talking about it anymore.  They're just sort of ready for you to move on and get back to "normal".  That's part of the reason that I've kept silent, also. 

I still have my bad days.  I still have days where I just don't understand why this happened to me.  It's still hard for me not to think, every week, where I should have "been".  How much I'd be showing, how much movement I should be feeling, etc. 

Most days, though, I'm just happy with my life.  Happy with my precious little girl.  Happy with my husband.  Happy with my friends.  Happy with my church.  Mostly, just happy.

The other day, I was catching up on some of my blog reading, and one of the blogs caught my attention by song. Usually, I dislike blogs that play songs and turn them off quickly. I'm just one of those people who would rather concentrate on reading, and not trying to divide my time between reading a listening. This one particular song caught my attention though. I had never heard it before, but I scrolled to the bottom of the blog to find out who it was by and what the name of it was. It was "Blessings" by Laura Story. I still don't know anything about her, but I really needed that song.  If you don't want to listen to the song below, I'll also post the lyrics if you would just prefer to read them



We pray for blessings, we pray for peace

Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering


All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops?
What if Your healing comes through tears?
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near?


What if trials of this life
Are Your mercies in disguise?


We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough


And all the while You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe


Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops?
What if Your healing comes through tears?
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near?


And what if trials of this life
Are Your mercies in disguise


When friends betray us, when darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It's not our home


Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops?
What if Your healing comes through tears?
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near?


What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst
This world can’t satisfy?


And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise?


I think that this song is a very adequate description of where I am right now.  I feel like my relationship with God has never been closer than it has been this summer.  Dealing with a pregnancy that you feel is not going right, suffering through a loss of a pregnancy, is by far the hardest thing that I have ever done.  But I agree with this song - what is the aching of this trial is bringing me close to Christ?  I in no way, shape, or form would say that losing this baby was "worth it".  And if I had it to do all over again, I would still rather have kept this pregnancy.  But if it HAD to happen, then at least I can gain a greater relationship with my Father. 

Sometimes as a parent, I have to make hard decisions for LL that make her angry and upset.  But as her mom, I know that they're best for her.  I very much know in my heart that this is what my Father did for me.  He knew what was best for me, and even though it hurt me and made me upset, it's so much better for me to cling to the hope that He knows what He's doing.  And that, just because this happened, it doesn't mean that He doesn't love me.  Or that He doesn't care for me.  It's just a part of life. 

So I'm clinging to the knowledge that I will see my sweet baby one day, but this time my Father will be there, too. 

Photobucket

3 comments:

Memoirs of a "Trophy" Wife said...

awesome comparison, you are so good with your words. It's always the hard times in life that our best praying comes in,,,but it is always so tough when those "hard times" have to involve our babies,,,you will see him in Heaven one day :)

Blake and Mallory Thompson said...

Love that song! It can speak to many of us in different experiences. Praying for you!

Robyn said...

Crissy - thank you for being an encouragement!

Mallory - I totally agree. This song fits where I am right now, but I can totally see how it can apply to many other situations as well!