Before you read this post, it might be best to read this post from Kelly's Korner.
I had originally intended to not post anything on this subject. But I've had a really rough day, and then I read that previous post from Kelly's Korner, and it was like God was giving me a go-ahead and post what I needed to.
This has been a really rough subject for both me and Matt for the past, well, almost 2 years or so. Some of you know, and some of you don't, but our church had a pretty big "splitting" a little over a year ago. It was January 2009 and a month before LL was born. Well, in this split, I literally lost every friend that I had a church. Obviously there were people left that I knew and talked to, but I lost a lot of *close* friends when that happened. Every close friend that I had at church. Because of all of the difficult circumstances that I'm not going to go into, those friendships were not able to be maintained once the split happened. I thought for awhile that maybe we could move past some of the details of the church stuff and just continue, but that wasn't possible.
Other than church, life just happened. Babies create strain on friendships. All of a sudden there is another little person to consider and, as much as you want them to, things just can't stay exactly the same. So for a million other reasons: selfishness, babies, growing apart, different priorities, different stages in life, etc, I look around and realize that there's not much left. Sure, there are some friends left, but even those friendships (if I'm honest) aren't the *best* friendships that I'm talking about. Having a friend, and having a BEST friend are two completely different things.
Now, I know some people may be thinking, "You have a husband. Shouldn't he be your best friend?" And the answer to that is, yes, he should be. And my answer to that is, yes, he is. But having your husband as your best friend, and having a GIRL best friend are completely different ball parks.
In addition to losses over the past 2 years, there have also been gains. I am slowly starting to make new friends who share the same "life stage" that I'm in, and some other friends are entering this "life stage", so it's all slowly starting to come back. But I still don't have a "best friend". And that's tough. It's really hard some days because I miss it a lot. A whole lot.
But I don't really know what to do, ya know? You just can't create a best friend. It's not something that can be rushed. It takes time and commitment and growing and those things just don't come quickly. I understand that.
It's just something that I've been down about and have really been struggling with. And then seeing Kelly's post on Kelly's Korner really just brought it all home. And I do realize what I'm missing. And it's hard. It's tough. It sucks.
I do want to say that I am thankful for the friendships that I do have - regardless of what stage they're in. Old, new, close, drifted apart, etc. I'm grateful for every friend that I have. And every friend that I'm making. I'm also extremely grateful for my amazing family. Not just my little 3 person family, but my entire family. They have been great and have really stepped into alot of the friendship roles that I have needed in the past 2 years. I just needed to share about how I've been feeling. And to ask you to pray for me and this tough time in my life that I'm in.
Maybe this time in my life is purposeful to bring me closer to God. And if that's what it's for, I'll gladly take it. It's easy to talk the Christian talk, but to walk the walk and say "Anything for Your glory, Lord" is alot harder. I've been trying to walk my walk a little more. Maybe that's where this all stems from.
But it always feels better to vent a little - especially after a tough day like today. :)