Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Tough Stuff

Before you read this post, it might be best to read this post from Kelly's Korner.

I had originally intended to not post anything on this subject.  But I've had a really rough day, and then I read that previous post from Kelly's Korner, and it was like God was giving me a go-ahead and post what I needed to. 


This has been a really rough subject for both me and Matt for the past, well, almost 2 years or so.  Some of you know, and some of you don't, but our church had a pretty big "splitting" a little over a year ago.  It was January 2009 and a month before LL was born.  Well, in this split, I literally lost every friend that I had a church.  Obviously there were people left that I knew and talked to, but I lost a lot of *close* friends when that happened.  Every close friend that I had at church.  Because of all of the difficult circumstances that I'm not going to go into, those friendships were not able to be maintained once the split happened.  I thought for awhile that maybe we could move past some of the details of the church stuff and just continue, but that wasn't possible. 

Other than church, life just happened.  Babies create strain on friendships.  All of a sudden there is another little person to consider and, as much as you want them to, things just can't stay exactly the same.  So for a million other reasons: selfishness, babies, growing apart, different priorities, different stages in life, etc, I look around and realize that there's not much left.  Sure, there are some friends left, but even those friendships (if I'm honest) aren't the *best* friendships that I'm talking about.  Having a friend, and having a BEST friend are two completely different things.

Now, I know some people may be thinking, "You have a husband.  Shouldn't he be your best friend?"  And the answer to that is, yes, he should be.  And my answer to that is, yes, he is.  But having your husband as your best friend, and having a GIRL best friend are completely different ball parks. 

In addition to losses over the past 2 years, there have also been gains.  I am slowly starting to make new friends who share the same "life stage" that I'm in, and some other friends are entering this "life stage", so it's all slowly starting to come back.  But I still don't have a "best friend".  And that's tough.  It's really hard some days because I miss it a lot.  A whole lot.

But I don't really know what to do, ya know?  You just can't create a best friend.  It's not something that can be rushed.  It takes time and commitment and growing and those things just don't come quickly.  I understand that. 

It's just something that I've been down about and have really been struggling with.  And then seeing Kelly's post on Kelly's Korner really just brought it all home.  And I do realize what I'm missing.  And it's hard.  It's tough.  It sucks. 

I do want to say that I am thankful for the friendships that I do have - regardless of what stage they're in.  Old, new, close, drifted apart, etc.  I'm grateful for every friend that I have.  And every friend that I'm making.  I'm also extremely grateful for my amazing family.  Not just my little 3 person family, but my entire family.  They have been great and have really stepped into alot of the friendship roles that I have needed in the past 2 years.  I just needed to share about how I've been feeling.  And to ask you to pray for me and this tough time in my life that I'm in. 

Maybe this time in my life is purposeful to bring me closer to God.  And if that's what it's for, I'll gladly take it.  It's easy to talk the Christian talk, but to walk the walk and say "Anything for Your glory, Lord" is alot harder.  I've been trying to walk my walk a little more.  Maybe that's where this all stems from.

But it always feels better to vent a little - especially after a tough day like today.  :)


Anonymous said...

I understand what you are saying about friends moving apart for different reasons. My best friends have slowly been moved to other parts of the south for different reasons and it leaves you wondering who to call evern with silly funny events even if you have a wonderful husband. It does suck and sometimes feels very unfair. I am praying for you and I would ask for the same. Hope things get easier soon.

Julie Padgett

Erin said...

I'm so sad to read this. I hate that you feel that way. In so many ways, I understand. I live 500 miles away from my family. In the three years that I've lived here, I don't feel like I've made any friends. I think the worst part is that I have friends, but I don't have anyone HERE. So I know what it's like. It makes me sad, too, that we used to be pretty close in college, but then we started doing different things and didn't really talk much. I wish we hadn't let that happen. And I wish it were easier to make new friends.

Leslie said...

You certainly aren't the once person who feels this way. I really don't have many friends either. Almost all of my friends from highschool are all gone for various reasons, and since I am a stay at home mom, I really don't get out to meet anyone to be friends with. Also, for me it's a little tough, since Emma is 7, and Madeline is 1. Most people I have met, either have 2 younger or 2 older, so it's tough to find someone who is at the same "stage" as me. It also doesn't help that Erin moved 500 miles away. (thanks a lot Erin! Ha!).

Anyway, I said all that to say this: if you figure out what to do, please let me know. Being a stay at home mom is so lonely most of the time, so I really could use some tips.

Emily said...

I'm so sorry Robyn :( I can relate to what you are going through. For me moved to Valdosta with ZERO friends so I only had Zach and that was hard. Sure I made many good friends but, like you, I longed for that bff type friend. Then I met her and everything was awesome...she completed me in ways that Zach couldn't. Now we've grown apart and instead of having ONE bff I have lots of good friends. Its a blessing to be surrounded by so many people I like but my heart still misses that bff bond I had with her. The reality is though that, while those days were GREAT and awesome, I've outgrown that type of friendship. I don't have time to devote to spending ALL my free time with ONE person. I don't have energy to stay up all night talking on the phone or giggling. I am in a stage in my life where talking about boys, The Hills, and such just doesn't interest me. I like talking about husbands, babies, and mom type subjects. I think that it SUCKS to feel "alone" and not to have that bff bond but at the same time I don't think I'm in the position to BE a best friend to her ya know? I feel like God's purpose for me in my loss of my best friend was for me to grow closer to Zach (but I agree that we NEED girls not just our hubbys!) and for me to find friends that help me grow spiritually and share my stages in life (like you!). Like you said, there is a purpose for this somewhere...just may take awhile to find it :) I was just thinking today about us doing a guys night out/ girls night out monthly event and I think it's SO important...let's make it a reality!!! :) I appreciate and value your friendship so much and wish I could help you get through this funk!

Emily said...

ps: doesn't venting on the blog help so much? gah just hitting that publish button always makes me feel better :)